Monsanto Harvest-Resistant Corn Now Engulfing Most Of Midwest | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the genetically modified crop, which Monsanto originally enhanced with traits to provide resistance from pests, diseases, and environmental conditions such as drought and frost, has become completely impervious to industrial reaping machinery and has spread uncontrollably across 700,000 square miles of land. With the unharvestable corn growing through asphalt roadways and airport tarmacs all over the Midwest, FEMA has been leading efforts to evacuate millions of residents before the plants obstruct all travel in the central United States.