links.lmorchard.com - #theonion

Tips For Apple Picking - The Onion

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 18:22:58 +0000

Periodically look down at the object in your hand. If it is an orange, you’ve gone wrong somewhere.

Tags: #autumn #funny #theonion

Monsanto Harvest-Resistant Corn Now Engulfing Most Of Midwest | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Mon, 20 Oct 2014 17:27:27 +0000

According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the genetically modified crop, which Monsanto originally enhanced with traits to provide resistance from pests, diseases, and environmental conditions such as drought and frost, has become completely impervious to industrial reaping machinery and has spread uncontrollably across 700,000 square miles of land. With the unharvestable corn growing through asphalt roadways and airport tarmacs all over the Midwest, FEMA has been leading efforts to evacuate millions of residents before the plants obstruct all travel in the central United States.

Tags: #agriculture #corn #funny #imported:pinboard #monsanto #theonion

Monsanto Harvest-Resistant Corn Now Engulfing Most Of Midwest | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Mon, 20 Oct 2014 17:27:27 +0000

Tags: #agriculture #corn #funny #monsanto #theonion

'Peeing Calvin' Decals Now Recognized As Vital Channel Of National Discourse | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 15:59:15 +0000

Throughout its 224-year history, America has had many channels of discourse, its citizens expressing themselves by means ranging from pamphlets to protests, newspaper editorials to televised debates. In recent years, however, a significant new avenue of expression has emerged: "Peeing Calvin" decals.

Tags: #calvin #culture #funny #peeing #theonion

Obama Now Attempting To Get Each Word Of Jobs Bill Passed Individually | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:51:33 +0000

"This is a truly vital piece of legislation that needs to be approved in a bipartisan manner as swiftly as possible, and if that means passing it one single linguistic element at a time, then so be it," the president told reporters, claiming he and Republican lawmakers had already agreed on several synonyms that could be substituted for various controversial modifiers.

Tags: #funny #obama #politics #theonion

Expiration Of Contract Allows Fergie To Put On Pair Of Pants For First Time In 5 Years

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 17:00:00 +0000

Tags: #fergie #funny #theonion

Nation Elects First Openly Drunk Senator | Onion News Network

Sat, 12 Feb 2011 16:57:11 +0000

Tags: #funny #theonion

Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Thu, 10 Feb 2011 18:02:42 +0000

Tags: #funny #theonion

Study: 89 Percent Of Networking Nonconsensual | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 18:09:16 +0000

Tags: #funny #theonion

Johnson & Johnson Introduces Self-Lotioning Baby | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 18:24:27 +0000

Tags: #funny #theonion

Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Fri, 01 Oct 2010 15:19:51 +0000

Tags: #funny #theonion

Area Man Unsure What To Do With All The Extra Ketchup Packets | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion Radio News

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 17:14:04 +0000

Tags: #areaman #awesome #condiments #radionews #theonion

Lady Gaga Kidnaps Commissioner Gordon | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 22:30:02 +0000

Tags: #funny #theonion

'Sliders Ended Two Seasons Too Early, If You Ask Me,' Says Sliders Creator To No One In Particular | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Sat, 24 Jul 2010 14:23:32 +0000

Hey, I downloaded and watched a Sliders marathon of my own last summer... This is uncannily accurate about episode details, though.

Tags: #funny #theonion

New Google Phone Service Whispers Targeted Ads Directly Into Users' Ears | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network

Tue, 18 May 2010 14:26:31 +0000

Awesome. Watch for the well-aimed nutshot at Yahoo! toward the end.

Tags: #funny #theonion